The Searcher.

Something feels missing. My eyes can’t see it. My touch seems to evade what I’m reaching for. I can neither hear nor can I hone in on the scent. I know not what the taste may be.

On the surface, everything seems normal. Day in and day out I am engulfed in routine. The days begin to blend together and sometimes I struggle to distinguish one day from the next.

For most people, stability and predictability are a luxury. As a searcher, it’s feels more like a curse. I find myself constantly feeling voids that need to be filled. I can’t settle and I am restless at the thought of redundancy.

I am surrounded by privilege, yet something always seems to be missing. It’s not sadness I feel, but recognition that there is an emptiness inside of me. Things feel out of place and something is always eluding my senses. I seek the enlightenment of spiritual peace through deeper self-discovery.

Questions emerge. One question can lead to a tornado of other questions. These questions also lead me to new desires and personal attributes I wish to incorporate and fulfill.

For me it usually will start with a trigger. One of my senses triggers a memory or a personal desire that I wish to achieve but have been putting off. A sudden breeze may bring on a scent that connects me to a moment of my past and then I suddenly discover what it is I’ve yearned for.

I occasionally come across phantom scents. These are scents of either people or places that trigger my memory. I have not seen this person or been to this place in a long time. But still the scent overwhelms me as if it is right in front of me. Once I have pinpointed the origin, it opens my mind to what it is I was once searching for.

A lost love, a lost passion, a hobby that I have not ignored for too long or to revisit a place I once felt a deep connection to. I ask myself why I have ignored or forgotten about these things for so long. Why now are these feelings coming back to me? Is it fate? Is it a calling? Is it a test? Questions keep pouring out.

The answers I conjure up do little to help. I find myself trying to force my answers upon my questions like a piece of a puzzle that does not fit in its proper place. Yet I wish to feel complete. So I push the piece in anyways knowing it doesn’t fit and I keep moving. I wish to fulfill my desires. Too often will I hasten and settle for the simple answers. However these simple answers never quench my desires and the cycle continues.

Life is full of mysteries, coincidences, fateful encounters and signs that lead the searcher to continue to seek for more answers to even the simplest of questions.

A true searcher is not unhappy. In fact, we are typically quite the opposite. By description we seem to be an enigma and a contradiction. Our minds never cease to rest and we constantly are thinking of all life’s necessities from all different angles. We wish to always be prepared.

While we continue our never ending search for spiritual peace, we accept, and are happy with the constant speed at which we must maneuver in order to achieve our own form of zen.

We like a good challenge. In fact, if we end up achieving what we seek, we often add more on our plate and expand on our thoughts and desires to even deeper levels. There is no mental rest for the searcher, only a brief pause before we search for more.

We recognize that life is finite and unpredictable. We wish to do it all, see it all and experience it all. There are no guarantees.

There are few moments of peace, even when we have earned them. The few moments that we do earn we spend formulating new challenges to accept and new life experiences to acquire. We searchers are not meant to sit on the sidelines or in the middle of the crowd. We wish to stand out and move at our own pace.

Entering the realm of the unknown is exciting for us. This is where our minds are free to wander and make the connections that we need to feel whole. Our true answers may come from anywhere; from a simple truth all the way to a complex set of life experiences that we must journey through to achieve our peace. It is always only temporary because we never stop searching.

If one decides to tag along for the ride, be prepared for all the sudden twist and turns during our quest. Some of us insist on going alone, but others like me enjoy the company. The company of an open minded free spirit who is willing to follow me down the rabbit hole to seek spiritual fulfillment.

I wish to share in these moments of searching because it helps me complete the connection of all my senses.

Once I see what it is I desire, I can include others with me in hopes that they may profit from my journey as I am. Once I hear my desire I can then share my inner most thoughts and secrets. Once I have caught the scent of what I am searching for I can then share that connection with my partner. Once I have tasted what I am searching for I can expand the pallet of the one who was brave enough to journey with me. Finally, once I have touched what I have been searching for, we can touch it together, thus sealing our bond through all of our senses.

When we search to discover, we become more open and understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Our spirit begins to overflow and the world seems right again and everything is back in place, if only for a moment.

I enjoy the company along my spiritual quest because when it is time to search again, I feel the strength of the bond of a person who is willing to throw caution to the wind and explore the depths of our spirits together. I have a trusted companion whom I know will not abandon me and follow me whenever my senses pick up a trail.

For it is that trust that I will also follow my companion to places close by and far away. To places inside our spirit or outside experiencing the beauty the world has to offer to make us feel whole.

The searcher never is never contempt with complacency. The searching never ends.

Author: Adam Wilkinson

Image: flickr


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