image An Unorthodox way to choose Our Mates.

Some people enjoy the life of solitude. Many more, including myself, prefer life with a partner by our side.

In most circumstances, it is physical attraction that intrigues us about a partner we wish to have by our side. Physical attraction is the base by which many of us choose to begin to consider pairing up.

We begin with physical attraction and then we find other commonalities which create or separate our bond with another. We either press forward because we are aroused by their appearance, actions and our commonalities, or we stop because we eventually realize the relationship was physical and nothing more.

I’ve often argued that no healthy relationship can sustain without physical attraction. Physical attraction gives us an outlet to express our primal urges. However, when it comes to relationships, there must be more substance than simply physical attraction.

The best relationships of course have a strong physical attraction and two people who share common interests along. In addition, two people of complement each other well. Where one person may be weak in one area of their life or personality trait, the other is strong and vice-versa.

For a long time I used to choose my relationships based solely off physical attraction. If I was attracted to a girl physically, I would pursue at all costs. Occasionally I would compromise certain aspects of my personality and begin to take on their interests even if I had no prior interest before meeting them.

My primal urge and hormones were raging and I was willing to compromise.

As I have grown older, I have altered how I seek and how I sought relationships. Being physically attracted to a girl was still first and foremost on my list. However, I began to slowly end the process of compromising my identity to fulfill my primal urges.

So I adopted a new philosophy: is this a girl I could survive Armageddon with?

I know this may sound silly and trivial but it is something that has helped me maintain my true self and desires. There are so many factors we way when deciding to enter in to a relationship with someone and for most people, the deciding factors may weigh differently.

Some may choose common interest over appearance, humor over intelligence or ambition over all the above mentioned. Everyone is unique in that sense. We all have our different flavor of ice cream that we enjoy, and in a way, it is similar to choosing a partner to spend time with.

My favorite flavor is still a strong physical attraction. After that, I want a girl who can survive Armageddon with me. A girl with survival skills and instincts. If a girl can survive Armageddon, then she is obviously smart and intelligent. Two traits I hold high. Common interest and a light humorous heart are great qualities to also have as those are very appealing as well.

If we have an open mind and are open to try new things, we can develop common interests with our partner without even compromising our own interests. We can create our own unique commonalities. We can also share what we enjoy and in time in many cases, our interests will be enjoyed by our partners. So to me, having common interests ranks lower because I believe they can be developed even without any self-compromise.

What is very difficult to develop, if not impossible is the physical attraction. Yes, there are always exceptions of people who pair up based off of other reason other than physical attraction initially and it can develop over time, but I believe it is less likely to develop. We feel this attraction early on and if we don’t feel it, it is very hard to develop, much harder than to find our create our own common interests together.


I have this theory that I have often shared with people and in articles from time to time. It is that first five minutes. I wont over-elaborate here, but I firmly believe that it is within that first minutes that we subconsciously become aware of how far we are willing to go with a new person. 

We do not always acknowledge this yet, but in the back of our minds we are thinking it. 

Could I survive Armageddon with this person by my side? Could this person survive and even potentially thrive in chaos?

Life is not easy. So many factors go in to determining who we want to spend time with. I think it is sexy if a girl has street smarts, a wit and charm about her that pushes me to be more masculine. Sharing common interests seems to be taking a back seat to my physical and primal urges.

Sharing common interests is icing on the cake in my estimation. If our partner drives us wild with unbridled passion and physical chemistry, walks and talks in a similar and appealing manner to us, then whatever interests we share can only hope to help us forge an even deeper bond.

I know what I am looking for. I merely seek to offer a different alternative to the normative approach to seeking a mate. Dating sites like or many others of that like will make “suggestions” to you based off your interests. That certainly is one way to find a match (no pun intended) but I am choosing a different route.

Choose someone who gives us butterflies and arouses our senses when we are around them. Choose someone who can take care of themselves and help take care of us should the day ever come that it’s only the two of us. Choose a ride or die kind of partner, someone who will be a sponge to you and someone you can sponge off of as well, as equals.

A partnership, relationship, marriage or whatever we choose to call our union with another needs to have a deep reason in addition to a deep physical attraction for one another. At the end of each day or when times may seem trying, we need someone who can navigate the battlefield, adapt and survive to any situation.

Find a partner who raises the hairs on the back of our neck when we see them. Find a partner who can travel along beside us, not behind us. Find a true partner, someone who is our equal to surviving and thriving in a world of potential chaos.

Author: Adam Wilkinson

Image: flickr

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