I crashed, like a heavy ice covered branch in a winter storm. My body absolutely came unglued in your arms today.
The hurt, struggle, unending torture has all become enough.
Enough to put me to the floor, and feel my chest cave and my heart bleed out. Burning tears and shallow breathing that paralyzes every cell of my body. If I hold my breath long enough, can it not just all just go away?
But then you remind me to breathe. So I do, but I still don’t feel good.
Today, I don’t feel good.
I don’t believe in myself, and I don’t believe this is my life. I don’t believe anything is going good, or going to be good.
And that is okay.
How overwhelmed I have become with the fight I keep fighting.
How much more do I have to take? What more will it take to end this trauma of my timeline? What lessons haven’t I learned? What do I not understand about me yet? Or about something?
So I sit tonight, paralyzed, thinking about being in your arms. Thinking about how awful the challenge is that is not over for me, and how on earth do I begin to find my footing for the next step…whatever that means or shall be?
My friend, your love, got me through today, barely, but, it got me through. I eagerly await tomorrow and all the days that follow to see how long your love can hold me up.
Author: Krystina Nelson