If nice guys finish last, where do sensitive guys finish in the race to find meaningful relationships?
Strong, tough, confident, intelligent, witty, funny, protective…these are just a few common adjectives that describe the “typical” male. Sensitive is generally not a term associated with men.
However, a sensitive man may contain some of the above mentioned and maybe even all and more.
Being a sensitive male does not necessarily mean we cry at sappy movies, or we get emotional at the slightest sign of sadness. Being a contemporary sensitive male today means that we are secure in our emotions and feelings and we are not ashamed to express our opinions, emotions and feelings around and to others.
I myself consider myself a sensitive male. I am sensitive because I am willing to put myself out there and let people see what is beneath my layers. Yes I am physically and mentally strong, confident, opinionated and willing to open myself up to people who are willing to receive me. Yet I am a bit more fragile. I yearn to find connections and meaning in all of the relationships that I make.
When I connect with friends or potential partners, I value their needs and wants. I also am strategic about how I incorporate my own needs and wants in to my relationships.
Sensitivity is often associated with weakness. This is a generality that must be altered. Today’s sensitive man is more complex. We are respectful and mindful to those around us, yet we feel a bit deeper than the “normal” male. We feel our emotions and at times we wear them on our sleeves. I wear and consider my sensitivity as a badge of honor that indicates my security in my manhood.
I am not fake or do I pretend to be someone I am not. I accept who I am and how I was created. Things do hurt me. When I hurt, I hurt deeper than most.
Break-ups for the sensitive man can be harder than they might be for others. We tend to hold on a bit longer, we tend to try a bit harder to regain what we lost and when all else fails, we tend feel the loss a little deeper and need more time to recover.
The sensitive man of today is also more aware of the feelings and emotions of other around him. He is more considerate and less selfish, however at the same time will have no problem advocating for his needs. This isn’t to suggest that other men are selfish or less considerate, it’s to state that the sensitive man feels more.
Being a sensitive man does not mean we can not accept criticism or handle the opinions of others. We think deeper and try to find meaning in all things and find the valuable life lessons that are to be learned from any situation or encounter.
Being a sensitive man has helped me grow and expand my inner-being. It has made me more aware of those around me and the needs of others. I do not expect or want people to feel like they need to walk on egg shells around me or place boundaries because the feel they may hurt me. I am still a man that is fully capable of taking care of myself and expressing my emotions as they emerge inside of me.
Once upon a time, a girl I had a deep mutual intimate connection and relationship with broke up with me. It was an amicable split with no hard feelings, we were just going in different directions in life. As a sensitive man, I felt the need to lay all my cards on the table. I expressed how I felt about her and expressed that I did not want it to end, but that I understood that she has her own needs. However, I couldn’t just let go so easily. The sensitive man in me felt the need to pour my heart and soul out to the love of my life at the time before I could move on.
To deny me of this would have been to dangle the carrot in front of the rabbit. I would have never ceased reaching for the carrot.
By expressing my feeling, I felt less to no regrets. I was honest and true to my feelings and emotions even though I did not achieve my desired results at the end of the day. However I felt cleansed by being able to communicate my feelings and emotions.
The sensitive man tends to be more respectful and is willing to compromise when necessary and let go when we have to. It may be harder for us, but we recognize our unique character and we do not wish to burden those who need to step back for a time from us. Yes, I’ll say it again, it hurts more for us, but we are more well-rounded and equipped to deal with situations that are uneasy for us. We are more adaptable to situations that “normal” men may not be. We handle our business and our situations with class and the understanding that the world does not revolve around us.
We are not spiteful nor do we make rash and potentially regrettable decisions after heartbreak.
I know people who tend to distance themselves from sensitive men and that is painful to me because we have so much to offer, so much love as affection to give. Perhaps those who do feel we lack confidence, think too deeply, over analyze and become attached to easily. The truth is we aren’t fit for any one label. We are all unique and different in our actions, but we do share some common traits that make us unique and special.
Give the sensitive man a shot whether as a friend or as a lover. You will learn new things about us and about yourself and you may even tap in to that inner sensitivity that has been buried deep within waiting to burst to the surface.
It can be a life-altering experience if the minds of those who sit in judgement of the sensitive man gives us a chance. We don’t complain or aim to finish last, we aim to finish with honor and respect to those willing to accept us in their world.
Author: Adam Wilkinson