Chemistry is not just a subject in school, it’s our bodily and emotional connection to our partner. Arguable one of the two most important factors in deciding if we want to be intimate with a person, chemistry and timing.
I have had unique experiences. I have always known, and science tends to back me up that when two people meet from the opposite sex (or any two people who are feeling each other out) it is within the first five minutes that we determine if we can see ourselves with them as a couple, or if we would sleep with them, or if we will be compatible. This has always reigned true for me.
Some people are able to wear their partner down with gifts, constant flattery/attention, extreme and constant thoughtfulness, or persistence. Some are even willing to compete for a man or woman’s affection. This paragraph does not apply to me personally, but others have applied these measures and developed deep intimate connections with their partners after the first five minute decision has been made. Some of us reading may have had great success with these methods, for me, I have had no such luck.
For me, it’s that first five minutes. I know within that time if I feel an attraction, or if we have chemistry together. However, that does not mean it is the end all, be all and we will live happily ever after, it just means that if I’ve felt that initial chemistry, and I’ve felt it back from you, I’m going to pursue you (or hope she pursues me) aggressively. If after five minutes you’ve lost my interest or I just don’t feel that chemistry, I won’t try to force or fight through it and our connection will never get off the ground.
Chemistry means that we feel comfortable in each other’s presence. We are attracted to each other and our bodies physically respond to our slightest touches and our words start to seem like poetry to each other.
The next stage we progress is the physical intimacy stage. We now feel comfortable talking, we have those butterflies when we are around each other, we can’t help but smile when we first see each other, but it’s time to progress and see if our chemistry will advance beyond conversation and activities together.
It’s time to press our bodies against each other and see how well we fit
with each other. If physical intimacy drives us both wild together than its safe to say that our chemistry is strong. Some people are naturally attracted to each other with very little understanding of why. This can be measured by how well our bodies fit together, which includes body sizes, shapes and curves. It can also be measured by how fluid our practice of physical intimacy becomes. If all those pieces are in place, we have lift off…and chemistry.
For me, it’s the eyes and the way a girl looks at me, how she reacts to my touch and her scent. Chemistry is also determined by the reciprocation of our partners. If I have a natural chemistry with someone she will fold in my arms perfectly and our bodies will be in tune with each other. We will not fumble around and move as two individuals, we will move as one together.
I meet a girl once whose physical beauty and her charming personality drove me wild. Other people may not have agreed on how beautiful I felt she was, but I was incredibly drawn to her. She looked at me like no other girl had ever looked at me. It was a deep, passionate and serious look. Her scent drove me wild. We occasionally cross paths every now and again in life and if we both happen to be single, we can’t keep our hands off each other. That’s chemistry. Unspoken words that lead to instinctual intimate actions. We can’t help our physical bodily physical responses when we are around each other because our natural chemistry is so strong.
Our chemistry enabled us to be open, honest, trusting, and fluid together. We spoke deeply and meaningfully to each other. None of our words or actions felt forced. Our bodies connected with a pliancy that enhanced our physical intimacy beyond a normal connection and it increased the euphoria of our physical expressions of intimacy.
Chemistry in a nutshell is a natural magnet that attracts us to certain people. Chemistry also never disappears. Time may lapse in between encounters, but when we re-connect, we fall right back in to our routine and rhythm quickly and without much hesitancy or delay.
Sometimes we feel lonely or want attention and affection so badly that we try to force chemistry with someone that we simply just don’t have it with. This gives us an unnatural feel in a relationship and can lead to many problems between a couple. Desires will go unfulfilled, intimacy will feel awkward, communication will be tense, and we will most likely miss out on that deep meaningful emotional, spiritual and mind-blowing physical connection of intimacy, which in my opinion is paramount for successful relationships.
I’ve been in a few relationships where we just didn’t have chemistry. Either myself, or my partner was lonely, but we both weren’t the “one-night stand” type of people. We tried to go down the relationship path but we just didn’t “get” or “fit” each other. Intimacy was virtually non-existent. We didn’t have any of the elements of chemistry I described above and the little flame that did ignite in the beginning quickly diminished and those relationships ended before they got off the ground. We tried, but we failed, and we failed because we lacked chemistry.
Chemistry – mindful, soulful, emotional, spiritual and physical is a must for any deep meaningful relationship to take hold and take flight. Without it, any and all relationships that proceed without it are doomed. It’s simply a matter of how, not when.
If we have chemistry with our partner than the sky is the limit. Those first five
minutes something will signal your mind, body and soul that this is a person who we
can connect with. When we have chemistry with a partner, we have all the tools necessary, after that it just becomes an issue of how we use those tools and share our chemistry together.
Author: Adam Wilkinson
Image: Tammy McGary-flickr