There is an interesting question that is frequently asked that I tried to answer, “What do women truly want?” The answer I provided was one of opinion, yes, but one of years of research that I had conducted based of my life experiences. I use the term “research” as more of a joke to myself and all the lessons I learned about what women want (and don’t want) from my failed past relationships. (Hey, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves through this frustrating process!)
It’s generally assumed that a woman has more complex needs than a man. While that may be true, I believe most ladies, whether single or in a relationship, can admit that men have many complexities about their nature and their needs.
Let us take another assumption. All men want the prom queen. We want beautiful woman, (34, 26, 34) long blonde hair, gorgeous eyes, stunning curves and highly sexually active.
I can’t write this and honestly say that most guys wouldn’t kill for a woman based off that general description. However, most men are mindful enough to understand that a woman is like a car, the outer exterior of the car may be gorgeous, but if there are problems under the hood, then the car isn’t worth purchasing.
Now I want to break the assumptions and list some traits that most men, if not all men hope to find in a women.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I can honestly say that of the general physical description I mentioned above, all of those traits do not attract me. When it comes to physical appearance, men have many different tastes. In this case, we are no different than woman. We like woman in all different shapes, sizes and colors.
A good meaningful relationship for a man is more than just sex. Beyond the notion of sex, a good meaningful relationship for a contemporary man has rid itself of the stereotypical gender roles where the male is the dominant bread winner and the woman is the submissive pleaser. Believe it or not, most men in today’s society have rid their minds of the ancient gender roles and stereotypes. We are in favor of equality.
So what does the modern man want in a woman?
- We want a woman who cares about her appearance. Forget the stereotype that we only want the best looking woman. Yes, we do tend notice a woman at first by her appearance, but beyond that there is a much more involved. We want a woman who takes the time to look presentable. It is sexy when a woman takes the time to groom, dress and accessorize herself. We notice, believe me, we notice even the little things that one might think we don’t.
- Decisiveness is a tremendous turn on. Decisiveness is confidence. Both are traits that men gravitate towards in a woman. We aren’t looking for someone to boss us around or run our lives, but we do like when a woman has a good head on her shoulders and knows what she wants, and arguably more important, how to get it. A decisive and confident woman isn’t scared to speak her mind or pursue her passions, desires and urges. As a man, I have always felt a stronger connection to women whose inner strength matched or even surpassed mine. However, at the other end of the spectrum, I tend to lose interest when a woman wants me to make all the decisions or becomes overly insecure and needs constant reinforcements of my feelings. My actions should speak louder than my continued needed words.
- An independent woman. A woman who can fend and provide for herself offers unique situations for us men. An independent woman who provides for herself; yet chooses to be with and include a man in her life is one of the ultimate signs of affection. It sends the signal that a woman doesn’t need us, but they desire us. A strong bond is formed when an independent man is coupled with an independent woman. We can live our lives and pursue our life goals individually yet still be inclusive with each other.
- A woman with street smarts. I have met many women who were scholarly in the academia world, but when it came to understanding the “gray areas” of the world, they were clueless. If Armageddon were to arrive while we are together, I want a woman with survival instincts. Instincts that can’t be learned in books, but from life experiences. This type of woman is savvy, can read people and constantly keeps us men on our toes by continually pushing us to have a more worldly understanding.
- Loyalty. This is perhaps a quality trait that most men yearn for a woman to possess. A woman who understands that we aren’t perfect and won’t leave us at the first minor mistake or rough patch in the road. Never have I seen a “perfect” relationship. A woman who is willing to fight the battles beside me and not give up on me is a woman I sorely seek after, as do most men.
- An open mind. Some women are stubborn and set in their ways and refuse to even consider other possibilities. Some men are the same, so I can’t place this characteristic trait solely on the women of the world, but a woman with an open mind is a woman who will engage us in deep conversations and further open our own mind. Having an open mind does not mean a woman must be submissive for us men to be attracted to them, but it is always nice to know a woman will be considerate of new ideas and willing to experiment new experiences with us. It is even sexier when they share their new ideas and experiments with us that they want to try. It speaks to a woman’s confidence and trust in us men.
- A fierce passion. I use this word every day in some form. Give me a woman with passion. Men are deeply attracted to women who display passion in a cause or in a hobby and especially passion in the bedroom. Sex is overrated. While some men will happily settle for a random sexual encounter, most of us prefer the deep passionate unbridled love making session. Those are the moments I remember and will never forget. This trait above all else is one I look closely for personally.
- A good kind soul. A woman can still be tough and independent, yet have a good kind-hearted soul. This type of woman has major appeal to us men. We want a woman that is not just kind to us, but kind to all the people in our lives.The most appealing woman to a man is one that has a pure soul and is genuinely kind to all she encounters. A woman with a good kind soul also has a witty sense of humor. One that “gets” our jokes and can make funny ones herself!
- Chemistry. Some women I am inexplicably drawn to. Chemistry isn’t as much of a personality trait as it is a mutual feeling of strong sexual, emotional and spiritual attraction towards each other. I have dated women that some of my friends thought were very attractive, yet we lacked chemistry, and I have also dated women that my friends did not think were as attractive as I did; yet the chemistry I had with each of the women determined the strength of my feelings. For men, we tend to chase after and keep around the women who we feel the deepest bond with, and have the strongest urges and desires to be intimate with. Chemistry can’t be defined as just one trait, it is the combination of all the above mentioned (and perhaps more that apply to each man’s individual preference.)
Arguably, men are easier to read than women when it comes to the initial connecting period. Where it begins to get murky is when we have moved beyond the introduction and honeymoon phase and look for stability.
I have found that if a woman possesses (but is also not just limited to) these nine traits, I tend to hold on tighter and hold on longer. Searching for romance can be frustrating. It can’t be forced. Let it come naturally. The natural connection is the most authentic. The most authentic connection will be the most fulfilling and the most sustainable for both a man and a woman. And yes, we men do want sustainability!
Author: Adam Wilkinson
Recommended read: What do Women really Want? One Man’s Opinion.