Let’s not kid ourselves. I would be willing to bet I’m not alone in feeling that after a night of casual sex, we wake up the next morning and scramble to find the persons phone to delete our contact info. If you’ve never done that then you are a amateur and should stop reading.
Plan B can lead to an awkward situation of taking a girl to the pharmacy to buy ironically enough, Plan B. How does one ask that question? I believe in the firm “What’s you religion” technique. I am sporting an eighty percent success rate with that approach.
All joking aside for a second (and pretty much only for a second) I’ll be the first to say that I have in fact said things I did not mean in order to secure a one night stand.
When partaking in a one night stand, I recommend following these fourteen rules:
1. Never attempt or negotiate a one night stand with an ex, and don’t continue to do it multiple times. I know from experience that this can make things very awkward. Certain expectation may be assumed afterwards. It’s sending mixed signals. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I have practiced sea legs for this reason.
2. Alcohol consumption. Please make sure that you don’t drink so much that you lose your wits completely and wake up the next day engaged, this is bad news.
3. Assess the situation. Probably the most important thing if you feel you’ve found an “easy” hook up, there’s probably a reason it is, so be careful and don’t tell your friends.
4. Delete the their number from your phone (and find their phone if possible as I mentioned before and delete your contact info!) Chances are you don’t want to remain in contact with them.
5. How about a trip to the doctor? How well did we REALLY know this person, and furthermore, were we protected? Either way, cover your bases for your health and, dare I say, to check to see if we created life.
6. Keep your fingers crossed. Piggy backing on number five, we obviously want to avoid any type of sexually transmitted disease, and if we managed to dodge that bullet, keep the fingers crossed even tighter that we didn’t create a life that keeps us connected for as long as we live. There can also can be a three to month waiting period to call the doc, if nothing pops up we are in the clear!
7. Make sure we learn a lesson from this encounter. Remember who we are, what got us there, in that position and to the bedroom. If we want to avoid these situations then we need to evaluate what keeps putting us in the position. I know for me because I am a man. I can evaluate what happened and feel bad but once that’s done I’m back at it again.
8. Did we have fun? The most important to remember about a one stand is they are typically supposed to be fun between two people that want to have a good time. That’s probably wrong 99% of the time and the two people wake up in a motel next to a Coyote Ugly type bar. Who’s gonna chew their arm off first to make the escape.
11. Where are we? Remember too that if you are hooking up with someone and they say their roommate is asleep, it’s most likely their parents so get the hell out of there! If you have enough room in your car than practice some kamasutra positions and get it done. Always live by the code of never spending the night. I admit, I have sneaked away, and been sneaked away on, but I understand the game. It’s better that way no evidence, no crime, if nobody saw it, it didn’t happen.
12. Time to update and change my social media accounts. If you’re friends with this person still on Facebook when all is said and done make sure you check for the one stop pregnancy test add that will pop up in your news feed. So somebody found out!!
13. Who else knows and who else could possibly find out? Keep one night stands between you and your partner if possible. We’ve all gone into work or some place we frequent and know that others are talking about it and my advice is to deny, until one of your closest friends does it with the same person and then share notes on social media!! Problem solved!
14. Did I have fun or do I regret my decision? If these “mistakes” keep repeating, then re-read one through thirteen again.
I hope no one thinks that I’m a pig or don’t care about women, this article is actually for the ladies too.
*Honorable mention. But just for the record I am a pig and very selfish, but I can guarantee any women who reads this article will feel an obsession to meet this author, pig, narcissistic piece of crap. But that’s okay. Those are the women I tend to hook up and tend to take a shine to me and my so-called “swagger.” They want to see if I can back up my talk. Which I can on a good day. However we all know that getting older certain parts start to have a mind of their own so in my case it’s a crap shoot!
Remember one knight stand are like a crap shoot sometimes you win, and some time your junk gets messed up!!
Ps. If you liked what I said than you should probably hang out with me, if you didn’t like what I said “YOU” should definitely come hang out with me!!!!
Author: Chris Reiser
About Chris Reiser: Chris Reiser is pretty freaking sweet. I’m a single father of two girls, and they are my world. I went through a brutal divorce several years back which is why I live for one stands. I have a bachelors in communications and I am currently working towards my masters degree. I love life, my family and my friends; the loyal friends which are few and far between when your in your thirties. I work in sales and help people with college funding and life insurance.
As a favor to our esteemed leader Adam Wilkinson, he asked me if I knew anything about website building, which I do ladies so add that skill to the list. So we took a few weeks and put together a site for anyone to come and let their opinions known, heard and read. We do ask for honesty and some integrity even though my style is more satirical and humor based. I tend to shy away from the more serious soul-searching, life lessons, sharing of experiences and motivational & inspirational material and leave those to the other terrific writers. I will dip my feet occasionally in that pool, but my comfort zone is brutal truth and satire. I can’t wait to get this site where it can go!! So jump on now cause your gonna be missing the money train!