image Adventures in Online Dating.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/thefasterdanish/8491233888/in/photolist-dWkN1h-A8zQK-4PKZnN-6hiwHn-iH98pX-8SqXfL-CH3be-aghbK8-ws8ow9-6u78tZ-CtKYFe-iNpH9k-8w5ywj-9Arkce-5CJQmR-26bapv-26aNrc-jR9gc-9oC3nF-atMLeP-8kqWBn-xBWcf8-2KjZ61-8kqUgt-8ku5Rw-55ixGR-iJYKMV-7sfcsi-9STgSK-8kr92T-nxeRe7-8ktSmm-6KHGVh-oNNBA2-9qWzQT-VmKyd-xvSNS5-6L8ciR-oZYXMw-biiQ6c-8UZmjR-4PrYyb-9sXHt-8ktTky-8kuab3-8kr1jv-rENNiD-bs8rkH-8FFMgM-fwJWW8

I’m a 34 year old single male. I also consider myself sort of a free and wandering spirit. However, my inner being desires intimate connections. Some of my friends suggested at one point that I try online dating. However, after hearing some of the stories, I’m not sure it something I could ever do.

For others I have spoken to, they love it. Sites like Tinder or Match.com and many others appear to be the latest craze.

To date online we must be willing to put ourselves out there more than normal and have that constant fear of rejection pushed way out of our mind.

Ive seen it work for some, I’ve seen others struggle through it and I’ve seen some horror stories associated with linking up with essentially a stranger online.

Part of the process is funneling thought profiles and pictures and trying to find a “match,” and then communication with a mutual match in hopes that it leads to a date. This is quintessential as two people “search” based off pictures and brief description of who the person is and what they hope to get out of a potential partner and connection.

Some plainly state they just want to have fun and hook up/one night stands, others say they are looking for a friend to potentially grow to love and others might state that they are searching for a relationship.

Typically, conversations will occur between the two. Sometimes they last a few days, sometimes they last a long time before enough trust is established to meet up in person.

A friend of mine thought he had it. A gorgeous girl who shared many common interests with him. They texted and talked for two weeks before setting up a date. The day came, they went out to a trendy bar and over the course of the evening, my friend finds out that this girl is simply just trying to sleep with as many guys as possible to get back at her ex for cheating on her.

He was never informed of this in the two weeks prior of texting and talking. Her profile was a bit misleading. She claimed to be looking for a “relationship,” but all she wanted was a series of one night stands. Do I dare say what my friend ended up doing? Take a guess!

This leads me to question the honesty of online dating. People can alter pictures, put up a picture of how they used to look a few years ago, they can also mislead potential matches through their mini bio’s.

There are also many liars and cheaters who have profiles on these sites that are currently in relationships and lie to their partners and to their “matches” that they are single.

However, online dating is popular. I’ve read multiple sources (mainly any online dating site) that claim over 1 in 3 new relationships begin through some sort of online dating site now a days. So it appears to be beyond fad at this point. However we must be careful how we filter through the matches if we use a particular site. Keep in mind we are communicating with a complete stranger that we just don’t know if we can trust.

More and more social dating sites appear each year. It’s a growing business. It’s even evolved to the point of specificity based on religion, race and gender preference. So it does not appear to be going away any time soon. These additional specific sites attract more users and therefore, overall, business is booming. However, for every horror story, there is a success story.

I was at a bar recently and saw a couple deeply connected at the hip. There was much display of public affection and they happened to be in my group of friends I was out with that particular night. I did not know them so I asked about how they met.

They met on one of the sites. She went through five different dates, with her current boyfriend being her 3rd date (she claimed to have known he was the “one” but already had plans with two others and decided to honor her commitments.) The other four she stated were nice and polite gentleman, but there was just a lack of chemistry.

Her partner went through five dates, his current match was his fifth and final date from the site. They seemed perfect for each other. They seemed happy and were a model couple.

He claimed that his four previous dates not one accepted an offer of a second date. Oh the rejection! However he toughed it out and found love.

However, it got me thinking. They both put themselves out there, both had some experiences meeting other people before they found each other. They both experienced some form of rejection or dissatisfaction before finding each other. Could I ever put myself through that I though? I don’t know.

For some of us, it’s not too hard to put ourselves out there and risk rejection over and over. I am pretty sensitive so I don’t know if I could handle being a pawn before finding my queen through a dating website. Perhaps some of us can. One thing seems fairly certain. Online dating is here to stay. It’s the new fashion that continues to grow and more people than you might think do it now.

I’m an old soul and believe fate will lead me to or back to true love. However for others, some experience success while other struggle with constant rejection and dissatisfaction until “the one” appears on their computer screen.

Author: Adam Wilkinson

Image: flickr

Recommended read: About Unchained Voice – Want to write and be hear? Read this!

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