image 7 Things to do immediately After a Breakup.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/dskley/6065603693/in/photolist-aeZNE2-pWznSa-djdUqv-9Cd17j-8qsgWA-9mzXrE-9mwpeR-4r6L3q-DeGyS-9mzXcJ-9mwVs6-9mzoSL-9mzr4N-9mzZzb-9mAdn7-9mwEK4-9mwfKT-9mx9qT-9mApK1-czoDK5-4pDpXD-AjVkUb-5BU46e-6cSRpC-6oddDy-aPP5cV-btQFhs-9mAqjs-9mzCcw-bj3vKz-9mzCiq-9mAfdW-9mxoux-9mAp93-gvkTr1-A9kMCo-9mzFaf-9mwgKH-9mzG2E-9mx7ut-9mzKBU-9mwAwF-9mzLTy-9mxbnn-9mx7e2-9mzja7-9mzJSw-9mxefZ-9mzLiJ-9mx1dT

I have had my heart broken more times than I care to remember. The same women have even broken it on multiple occasions.

Those women have hurt me more than others. It is because I cared so deeply for them and I gave them a piece of my heart on their way out. I could not keep it because they rightfully owned it.

I’ve made mistakes.

I’ve held on to some too long even after they were gone, I chased a after a few only to find emptiness in their place and I’ve resorted to u healthy habits at times to try to get over the women who broke my heart. I’ve pushed questions on them that had no answers, I struggled to accept reality and I’ve said things to them out of frustration that I wish I could take back.

I’ve held on to false hope for too long.

I take responsibility for the repeat heart breaks. I had mixed emotions of the euphoria of having the woman back that I loved and the lingering thoughts of sadness from when they broke my heart. Euphoria always prevailed and I always allowed them back in to my life, and the story never changed. Heart break was waiting at the door for me again.

The ones that broke my heart the most were the repeat offenders. Even though heart break is an an emotion I am all too familiar with, it’s a very unpleasant feeling. A lesson learned too late perhaps and unfortunately.

Not all failed relationships emotionally crippled me. Some of them didn’t bother me too much because the paint was written on the wall. I saw it coming and prepared myself emotionally. That helped mitigate the pain, but it always left me with some kind of emotional scar. It might close me up emotionally for a while, I might hold on a little longer than I should and if I really cared about them, I desperately try to get them back.

Some people handle it differently. Some will jump in the sack with someone new as soon as possible to take their mind off the love they lost. Some will even resort to more unhealthy practices such as drug use, high risk behavior and other activities that do more damage than good.

Instead of harming ourselves, there are healthy alternatives we can practice to help repair our broken heart.

My last heart break was very difficult to recover from. Instead of continuing on with the practices that either put me back in to the painful cycle, I decided to take a new approach. I tried implementing these seven strategies that made me recover more quickly and ease the pain of my broken heart.

1 – Pick up new hobbies. Chances are, the love of our lives occupied a great deal of time and space. Now it is void. We need to find something healthy to replace it. I tend to go to the gym more and I picked up writing to help express my emotions and occupy my time.

2 – Re-connect with old friends/acquaintances. Again, we have a void and it must be filled. During our relationship, chances are we put so much of ourselves in to the relationship we may have lost contact with some good friends. We should be surrounding ourselves with people who will uplift our spirits. We already know who they are so pick up the phone and call or text and try to re connect with some old friends. I did this and found my weekends and free time is now occupied with good company that makes me feel good about myself. They also helped me emotionally recover as I felt comfortable opening up to them since there is already a previous basis of knowing each other.

3 – Delete all old texts, emails or any type of communications we had with our ex. Looking back on them will only do more harm than good. I kept mine around for a while and found out by doing so, it would bring tears to my eyes to re-visit old conversations. Deleting them gave me a feeling of liberation.

4 – De-friend or unfollow your ex from any social media outlet. It can be hard to see what our ex is doing and if we see them with another person, it will just add fuel to the fire and our tears won’t put the fire out. I didn’t even actively seek any of her profile or status updates, just seeing her new posts in my feed would be enough to run me through an emotional gauntlet for that day. This one again took me a little while to do, but once I did, I found it much easier to let go. It helped me focus more on myself than what my ex was up to.

5 – Re-introduce yourself to you. Sometimes in relationships we get so wrapped up in our partners lives that we began to neglect aspects of our own lives. I was fully immersed in my ex’s comings, goings and life passions that mine got put on the back burner. I took some time after our break up to get back and reclaim some of my old passions that helped me assert my independence and heal quicker.

6 – Throw out or give back any items that belong to your ex. Hanging on to them does no good. They just remind you daily of the heartbreak. I am a very sentimental person. I had sort of a shrine of sentimental items dedicated to my ex. I gave her all her things back and slowly began to discard little things such as flight or concert tickets, things she gave me and little trinkets I held on to that reminded of her. When my heart is broken, I keep one thing and one thing only to remind me of them. Anything more than one thing will hamper healing. From my most recent heart-break, I kept a bracelet from a concert we went to. I keep it out of sight but I did want one thing somewhere to remind me of the good times I spent with a special person.

7 – Cry. Let it out. Do not feel ashamed to do this. Do not bottle it up. The sooner we vent and express our emotions the sooner we can heal. I tried for a while to stay strong but in reality I was staying strong because I thought I could get her back. Letting my emotions run their course helped me move on and accept the fact that the relationship ended. I could not heal until I finally accepted the pain. Once I let the pain settle in, I embraced it and let my emotions run their course. There is no time frame on how long the pain will last. For some, it may be quick, for others, it may be a long time, but a constant is that we can’t begin to recover unless we accept our reality and let our emotions run their course.

It is painful to lose someone we love. There is no set time table on how long it will take us to recover from heart break. Some people can heal faster and some hang on longer. These seven tips helped me heal in a quick and healthy manner. It also helped me remain amicable towards my ex. I never want hard feelings when someone feels the need to break away and do their own thing. I want to be able to eventually look back upon my relationship with someone I once loved with happiness, not sadness, but before I can do that, I have to separate and find myself again. When the dust settles and my heart is fully repaired, that is when I can finally move on and open my heart up again to another.

Author: Adam Wilkinson

Image: flickr

Recommended read: About Unchained Voice – Want to write?

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