image Life as an Introvert and the Benefits we can bring to the Friendship and Love.

I am a self-admitted introvert. I like having space, doing things either alone or with one other person. I sometimes won’t mind small groups, being anything less than four people.

Most people I know and associate tend to like larger groups. They feed off the energy of having lots of people around. They also prefer going to the big trendy spots where lots of people congregate. In essence, they display more extrovert qualities.

Since I prefer to, and re-energize better on my own or in a small intimate group setting, I feel I get unfairly judged by people. It’s almost as if I have a contagious disease.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am more of an introvert. I do occasionally, and will go out in big groups, but that can wear me out physically and mentally. I simply feel more comfortable in solitude than being anonymous in a large audience.

Some people even go as far as to assume introvert type people like myself have social anxiety disorders. I would like to put that unfair assessment to rest. Introverts do not have mental disorders, it’s just a preferential lifestyle that we choose to lead.

I may not always be physically present but when I am in the same room with a family member, friend or lover, they will get 100 percent of my attention and the best of me.

I am an observer. I see what other people do and how other people react. I take mental notes. My mind is in constant motion. Hardly a second goes by where my mind is not thinking about something I’m witnessing or thinking about someone past or present in my life.

I am not a selfish person. Many of my thoughts are focused on how to best help and benefit others.

I may think of future situations that I may be in, ways to contribute my skills and talents by giving my life advice, little surprises to offer people to exemplify the thoughtfulness of my friendship or the love I have for my partner.

I may also think about people from my past, past situations and how best to use the lessons I learned from people who greatly left their mark on my life to better myself and those around me.

However all of this thoughtfulness comes at a price. I need space. I need moments of solitude away from big groups of people or society in general so my cycling mind can operate at its full capacity.

In the realm of intimacy, just because I am thinking of an ex lover does not mean I love my current partner any less. It’s that I can’t stop the wheels of my thoughts that go through my mind anymore than the rain drops falling from the clouds on a rainy day.

It’s a small price to pay, but the benefits outweigh the cost of my cycling mind and the brief disappearing act I may perform. I am not alone in this venture as many of us introverts carry similar traits.

We are everywhere. We are unique. No two of us are the same. Us introverts are special humans that can greatly enhance your life and open your eyes to the wonders of the world around you.

We all know and are associated with people in our lives that like to travel their own path, do their own thing at their own time and pace and keep a small tribe of counsel.

We introverts have so much to offer friends and lovers alike. While no two of us are exactly the same, we each carry certain personality traits that can enrich your life and way of thinking.

The one trait that we all carry is that we are deep thinkers. We think on everything. We recycle our thoughts constantly. We are able to do this because we prefer and need a little more alone time to think and reflect on our own. We can’t be pushed out in to the open, we go at our own pace.

As I mentioned before, I can handle big groups, however I prefer small intimate settings, circles and especially one on one time, but I can still thrive in a big group setting. It may take me a little longer to open up but once I open up I add value to any and all groups, circles and individuals I associate with.

My value is displayed by my ability to analyze and interpret events and situations around me. When around friends or even if I’m just around one other person, I have already thought about what we are doing.

The time I’ve spent alone in my mind recycling thoughts and thinking about possible future situations and scenarios has provided me with ammunition to offer mindful thoughts and input in to any conversation. I also come prepared with new and interesting topics for discussion; topics I have spent time thinking over in my mind.

My value extends beyond simply enhancing conversations and advice given. I am loyal. Fiercely loyal. As an introvert, chance are I think about all my friends every day. I, like most introverts are quick thinkers.

Our cycle of thoughts move rapidly through our minds because we have had so much practice at it. Our minds are constantly on the move. Even when we separate from the pack, we tend to think about each one of our friends and possible issues they face. We are empathic because we choose to be.

Not a day goes by that I don’t at least for a brief period think about each one of my friends. My active mind thinks about certain issues they are dealing with and the best way I can be a good, loyal friend to all of them.

Introverts want to be as helpful as possible. We have already played out both sides of any problem in our head during our alone time.

This alone time or “disconnect” time allows us this freedom of thinking to put ourselves in the shoes of others. We may not always have the right answers for you but you can bet we will have a thoughtful response and opinion on any potential issues that one of our friends may need help with.

If you crave intimate affection and attention, than an introvert is what you need in your life. However, buyer beware, we do come with a little bit of baggage, but the baggage may very well be worth it’s weight in gold.

Since introverts tend to shy away from, or prefer the smaller group setting or one on one time with people, an introvert will go above and beyond to make a loved on feel special.

I will attempt to dazzle and surprise my lover as much as possible. When I am with the one I love, she struggles to let me go. I say this not with the intent of bragging, but because I feel it is in a sense a reward for all the time I put in to thinking of ways to make her feel special. I flatter her with the presence of my availability, attention and affection. It is because I want to give this to her. It is because I have thought about her and know her well enough to know this is what will make her happy.

However, I am far from perfect. My surprises aren’t always met with good receptions, and occasionally I get caught over-thinking something in my head. I also sometimes need that space. I need that time away. I need that time to myself to think alone and recharge. It may even be a time when my partner wants me around.

When I come back I am always at my best.

Rarely will you catch an introvert at their worst. Only if you catch us during a time we need to be disconnected will you have issues with an introvert.

We may frustrate you at times with the way we choose to act but if you are open to us and truly understand us, we can give you the keys to a wonderful relationship.

A wonderful friendship and/or a wonderful intimate relationship.

We are protective, we are caring, we are loyal, we are trustworthy and above all we are loving.

We are often misunderstood. Understand us to be passionate people who forge our own path and march to the beat of our own drum. Even if you aren’t with us, know that you are in our thoughts everyday.

Author: Adam Wilkinson

Image: flickr

Recommended read: About Unchained Voice

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