When it comes to dating or looking for our better half, the search can potentially be long and arduous. It can also lead to many frustrating moments and misconnections.
Some of us are lucky to find our better half quickly and without much effort. Other people like me must search high and low and endure many days, months, even years of failed connections until we find that perfect person.
Even if we think we have found that special someone, life can throw a curve ball at us and catch us looking, knees buckled and swinging at strike three.
There are so many factors when it comes to searching for a partner to share our love with. The biggest and perhaps most obvious of all is physical attraction.
The first thing that always jumps out to me when looking for a potential partner is physical attraction. I don’t always gravitate towards the most beautiful woman in the room in the eyes of others, but something about the one I lock eyes with gives me a queasy and nervous feelings inside. Some people call those feelings “butterflies.”
Most of us tend to have a particular type of person we are attracted to physically. For me it’s brunette or dark hair, tan skin tone, a slightly athletic build, beautiful eyes and an inviting smile. While that may seem like a broad description, I know and feel it when I see it.
The second thing that I search for is chemistry. Chemistry is how mutual our feelings are together and how natural we act with each other. Conversations and intimacy do not feel forced or awkward. Chemistry means we interact with a connective fluidity. Our bodies, minds, spirits and souls fit well together. We complement each other. A good talker needs a good listener, a stubborn person needs a sympathetic person just name a few examples. I look for someone who can fit and fill the gaps in my life.
I’ve often argued that no successful relationship can exist without chemistry.
The next thing I look for is compatibility. Compatibility is easily confused with chemistry, however compatibility is our mutual interests. Compatibility speaks to shared interests, life styles, and many other factors that make it easy to connect and stay connected to our partner.
It’s possible to be compatible with someone but have no chemistry. That is when an intimate relationship crosses over to strictly a friendship. The spark and butterflies are missing, however we still share common interests and enjoy each other’s company on a plutonic level.
I’m not looking for a friendship, I’m looking for a lover. If I’ve locked eyes with someone and I feel those butterflies in my stomach, if we have spent time together and have a strong chemistry and if we share similar interest, life goals, passion and are compatible, the final issue then becomes timing.
Timing perhaps has been the biggest obstacle for me personally to overcome. We have to find each other at the right times in our lives. We must both be emotionally available an secure in ourselves and in our place in this world.
It does not matter if we are over the moon attracted to each other, share all the same passions and complement each other well. If the timing is not right for one or both of us, then the relationship will never take serious hold.
It doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with each other and grow together for a short time, but if one or both of us are not ready to commit, then we are just filling time with each other and will eventually break away until we are ready to be seriously involved with a partner. A lot of times, it will be a different partner when we both are ready. Chances are one, if not both of us have moved on and are looking for someone else to meet all of the above criteria.
I have met a few girls I felt were perfect for me at the time. However, timing was not on their side and all the attraction, chemistry and compatibility came to a crashing halt.
Searching proves to be troublesome for me as it may for many people who are trying to find someone to share deep loving intimacy and grow with a partner that completes their being. It’s not that I am picky, it can be difficult to make that intense passionate connection with another once we have felt it with someone else so deeply embedded in our heart and soul. We are prisoners of our emotional spirit.
It can be quite a challenge and present many discouraging moments. Yet we yearn so deeply for it that as disenfranchised as we may become, we never stop looking. We never stop trying to make that deep connection with someone who will lift our hearts and instill a never-ending sense of complete physical and emotional satisfaction.
It’s in our nature to feel wanted and desired. All of us want to express our intimate feeling towards another. Loneliness is an enemy we all try to ward off, however to truly feel loved and fulfilled, we must search for our perfect match. Our perfect match is out there waiting to be found, we only need to stay in the game and continue the search.
Author: Adam Wilkinson
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