During the fall of 2015, if you were a follower of elephantjournal.com, and/or a follower of their Facebook page, “The Mindful Gentleman,” I may have been in your homes, phones, Facebook news feeds, computers and tablets on a daily/nightly basis.
I was an administrator for elephant’s Facebook page ‘Mindful Gentlemen’ as part of an apprentice program through elephant journal during the fall of 2015. If you are unfamiliar with it, this is the mission of the page, one I tried my best to uphold:
“To be a spiritual warrior, one must have a broken heart. Without a broken heart and the sense of tenderness and vulnerability that is in one’s self and all others, your warriorship is untrustworthy.” ~ Chogyam Trungpa, Shambhala.
During this time, I also wrote many blogs on love, relationships, heartbreak, dating and mindful living—many of which I shared on the page.
Does this make me an expert on such notions? It certainly does not. However, I was in a unique position to interact with many followers, respond to readers and engage with people on the many different articles and quotes that I posted.
I studied and learned a great deal from beginning to end through my blogging, interactions with all of the followers and with all of the people who operate, contribute and lead this interactive community.
My learning was not limited to simply those in leadership at elephant journal—it was enhanced by readers and followers alike. Operating ‘ The Mindful Gentlemen’ helped me learn and solidify certain attributes about how a gentleman should treat a woman.
Being mindful’, regardless of gender, entails that we are cognizant of our actions and how our actions affect other people. I learned early on that I could not please everyone, but I tried my best to offer a broad range of topics and quotes to connect to the diverse audience following the site while attempting to be respectful to all who offered a comment on anything posted.
As I did with my blogging, I liked to focus on love, relationships, heart break, dating and mindful living. Throughout this process, I developed seven tips that every mindful gentlemen should incorporate for treating a woman.
- Treat a woman with respect at all times. We may not always agree and see eye-to-eye on everything, but it is important to be respectful at all times. A mindful gentleman never raises his voice in anger. He may be angry at times, but he does not display his anger or frustration to a woman. A mindful gentleman is one who understands how to communicate with a woman in a respectful manner without hurting her feelings—we show our respect by our actions and our mindful words. We treat the woman we care about as though she’s a gift that we mindful gentleman were fortunate enough to cross paths with. We value all the time, experiences, shared time together and we never let her forget how much she means to us. *This became a bit of a touchy “tip” after its original publication. Many felt, and I have since changed my stance a bit, that for a gentleman to withhold his emotions from a woman, he is not being authentic. However, I still stand by my original words that a true gentleman will pick an appropriate time and place to express his authentic emotions. A true gentleman will not make public scenes or embarrass a woman with an outburst of his emotions in front of friends, family or in public. Still, some type of argument can be made, but I stand by my “time and place” statement.
- Act with chivalry at all times. Some people claim chivalry is dead. A mindful gentleman will ignore that claim and act accordingly at all times. Chivalry can often be confused as a man helping a woman because a woman can’t do it herself—this is not the case. Chivalry is a sign of respect shown to a woman, a message that we put her needs above our own, and that we are secure enough in our manhood to show a woman that we understand simple values such as opening doors for her, walking on the street side of the road, walking beside a woman and not in front of her, getting up from the table whenever a woman needs to excuse herself, and many more simple accommodations to show our appreciation for the company we are in.
- Know how to express our emotions. Men are often labeled as closed-off and that we do not express our emotions. A mindful gentleman will feel secure enough to express our emotions to a woman. Furthermore, we will also know the best time, place and manner in which to express our emotions. Expressing our emotions should never make a woman feel uncomfortable. This type of communication should strengthen the bond between a man and a woman. If at any point our communication methods are making a woman feel uncomfortable, we need to step back and re-examine other alternative methods to help strengthen our communications. We also keep trying and never give up or shut down, but we respect the emotional boundaries of a woman.
- Introduce a woman to our passions. This shows a woman that we can be passionate and that we have life goals. Taking it a step further, we may even begin to and find ways to incorporate and inspire a woman to join us in our passions, yet again, strengthening our bond together. We may become teachers and even learners ourselves throughout this process. Sharing a common passion with someone we care about is the ultimate way to connect with a woman. They may even one day pass down the lessons we taught them to another one day. This can also help a woman feel more comfortable sharing her passions with us. I have learned more about myself through the shared experiences of passions with a a woman than I have through multiple interactions with my male friends. A woman truly has the ability to inspire a true gentleman.
- Be fully present in the moment around a woman. This means putting our cell phones away, not responding to calls, texts, emails, or any type of electronic notifications. Our sole focus should be on the woman in our presence. A woman we care about deserves our undivided attention. Being fully present in the moment allows us to enjoy each other’s company and connect on a deeper level, thus strengthening the bond between a man and a woman. Make a woman the center of our attention and in turn she will feel wanted, appreciated, cared for and loved.
- Make love to her passionately. There is a difference between making love and having sex. A mindful gentleman will make love to a woman because he wants a woman to feel special and to develop that deeper level of connection. He wants to share true intimacy and have the moment be meaningful. Having sex is just a means to an end, it rarely leads to any type of deeper connection between two individuals. Yes, I do admit to and understand the value of sometimes just needing sex, even if it is with a woman we care deeply for, however a mindful gentleman will make more attempts at love making than sex. Making love should be about sharing and connecting our mind, body, soul and spirit with a woman.
- Give her something new, something to make her never forget you. A true mindful gentleman will do this often and in many ways—be the best listener, helper, friend, lover and gentleman a woman has ever met. In doing so, she won’t soon forget you. In fact, chances are it will further assist in the development of increasing the bond between man and woman. Surprise her often with meaningful gifts of affection, take her places she has never been, introduce her to new ideas and open your life to her. A woman is a lot less likely to let a perfect gentleman go free if he is constantly showering her with sentiments, new surprises, intimacy and affection. The very worst that can happen from these actions is that you will become she will always respect and never forget.
I’ve learned that all men are created equal and it is our action that set us apart. Our actions determine whether we are gentleman, or furthermore, mindful gentlemen.
A few constants reared themselves throughout these seven tips on how to treat a woman. Communication, respect and passion. These three key ingredients are essential for all mindful gentlemen in how we treat women. Implement these seven tips and a woman we care deeply for will reciprocate in her own fashion that will help make our connections more meaningful and deep.
I will always strive to be a mindful gentleman and treat a woman I care for with these seven tips and the three essentials. Though I write, my actions will always speak louder than my words, and these are the actions I take to show my appreciation to a woman I care deeply for.
May they be of benefit to all.
Author: Adam Wilkinson
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