There is someone out there that no matter what they do, I just can’t seem to be mad at this person. She is held on a pedestal above all others.
She broke my heart, yet she still occupies a great portion of it. We do not speak anymore, yet I always yearn to hear her voice. She is no longer present in my life, yet I have I always have this unexplainable desire to be around her.
She upped and left me after a beautiful weekend together where were shared deep intimate and unforgettable moments. There were only a handful of words exchanged after she left, none of which provided me with any closure or any insight as to why she left in the manner of how she left and when she left.
This beautiful weekend wasn’t the only magical moment we spent together. We had many like it. We even had some that surpassed it in various ways. This weekend was similar to many of those. It was filled with deep passion, “I love you’s,” and many signs that our bond was a strong as ever occurred over this weekend.
The end result did not change however. She was gone. I was devastated. Many people in my shoes may have been angry for being left the way I was left, but anger never entered my heart.
She opened my eyes, heart, soul and spirit in a way in which had never been opened before. The place in my heart where she resides is static and irreplaceable. Others have since come after, but none have received the royal treatment and admiration I gave to my Achilles heel.
After a few months had passed, I tried looking for answers from her. I was mainly ignored, and the very few times she chose to respond, the responses were short, offered no insight and left me with the impression that she chose to forget all the special moments we shared.
I still couldn’t be mad at her. As much as I wanted to scream, shout and cry, and as confused as I became, I finally came to peace with the fact that she will forever be the one that got away. The one that left me on not-so honorable terms…my Achilles heel.
For some of us, an Achilles heel might not be a person. It may be an object, food or a passion that cripples us to be without.
Yet we live without it and we live with the pain inflicted by living without it.
Homer described Achilles as a warrior the likes the world had never seen. Legends were told about his accolades and his deadly skill, along with his ability to win wars and battles single handedly. Since historical records from that time were orally passed down, I have often wondered about the validity of Achilles.
Yet the legend goes at the siege of Troy, while battling for the Greeks, Achilles, the unstoppable warrior, was found slain in the garden in the palace of Troy with only an arrow through his heel.
An arrow through the heel brought down the greatest warrior the world had ever seen.
It’s a symbol to me that even the strongest person can be brought down by a force unequal to legend itself.
I certainly do not hold myself or the one who I loved so dearly and left me above the legend of Achilles, or even the arrow that ended his life, but I find it ironic that this tale is so comparable to my life.
I was crippled by the loss of a special person. I was crippled by a person who left me and dis-honored me in a way where she felt no need to explain her departure. I continued to be crippled by her negative attitudes towards me months later even when I attempted to reach out for a friendly conversation and was talked down to with short statements and unfair judgments. I was crippled even more after thoughts of all the love we shared and special moments shared that bonded us together. She felt them and shared them with me often, however it came to a sudden and unexpected halt.
Yet I continued after all of this to hold her on the pedestal that I put her on. She deserved to be placed there after all the special intimate moments we shared. I conceded…she is, and will always be my Achilles heel.
What makes this so difficult is that having an Achilles heel, we have little control over our emotions and actions. We can’t fix what was broken and we can never get back what we once lost. We are chained forever by the weakness we hold.
The spot never softens. The heart always aches. To be without our love, our passion brings us to our knees. We have days that make us remember the good times and it gives us a false hope to cling on to. However the truth is we have been slain by an arrow that we didn’t see coming.
Achilles died from his wound. A lesson I learned from the story of Achilles is that even at the height of my strength, something unequal to my strength can bring me to my knees.
However, life goes on. We can’t let the things or people who cripple us control our lives. We must learn to live with and accept our vulnerability and press forward.
Whatever it may be in our lives that cripples us to be without, know that life must continue. We must be stronger than the arrow. We must recover our strength and rebuild our own legend and power.
If we chose to accept our weakness, we can control it. We can patch up our wounds. We may always carry the scars, but we can avoid the fate of the great Achilles and the arrow through the heel that brought down the greatest warrior the world has ever seen.
Author: Adam Wilkinson
Recommended read: About Unchained Voice